Here I am, back from the Thanksgiving trip, trying to get some writing done and I can't because I'm too busy wallowing in self-pity. I'm hoping writing it down will get it out so I can get back to the story.
The trip back was about three hours too long and apparently I'm a failure as a human being. That's ok though, as I see it, because lots of well-known writers are failures as human beings. It just ensures that we have lots of time to write.
It's entirely my fault that I ask a simple opinion question and get a Socratic method answer and when I object I'm told I'm being passive-aggressive (someone shoot me if I ever use that phrase to describe another person - I believe it is one of the least helpful criticisms one can give another person, except perhaps "defensive"). The nice thing was I actually did get to hear the discussion I was seeking in the first place, it just had to be phrased differently by another person in the car.
I know everyone should be cut some slack because we were trapped in a small space for a long period of time and everyone was stressed. But I'm tired of being told what's wrong with me. I'm tired of twisting this way and that trying to accommodate people I work with and people I'm related to. It makes me feel like my feelings don't count. Maybe they don't. Maybe the "higher" way is to subvert all personal "ego" and bend as the wind blows. If one has nothing one can call "feelings", one can't have one's feelings hurt. If you're being called passive-agressive, you wouldn't feel upset because thier feeling validated is what counts. That's certainly the approach I've taken at work. "The customer is always right." or coworker or whatever. I'm nothing. I don't count. What can I do for you?
See, having no feelings means you can toss out self-pity as invalid too. It's just the ego trying to be heard. Ignore it and it'll go away. Oooooohhhhmmmmm.
(Now 5000 words are calling my name... ciao)