There's a Fungus Among Us

This appeared in my backyard this morning.  My first thought was WTF is that?
Not what it looks like, unless your innocent mind says "why it's a mushroom, silly!"
So, what kind of mushroom is that?  Is it dangerous?
(Those of you who want to make a joke about The Mushroom That Impregnated New York can do as you please, as usual, but this is actually a real question as well.)

Addendum #1: You are no help at all in mushroom identification, folks.  Turns out it's a "stinkhorn," with the totally obvious family name "Phallaceae."

Addendum #2: I sent the picture to the Mushroom Expert for his collection and he (very kindly!) replied:

Thanks for your e-mail. That looks like Phallus hadriani to me:

http://www.mushroomexpert.com/phallus_impudicus.html

. . . but the specimen is a little bit odd, because part of the "egg shell" stuck to the cap when it expanded, which doesn't usually happen. Neat!

A Simile

I am like a one-eyed archer. Totally lacking perspective.

Grrr

Tired of these "mixed bag" weekends. I've had three. It can stop now.

(More later)

The Empress' New Eyeshadow

You see, madam, not only is the color exquisitely beautiful and exentuates every eye color to perfection, but the eyeshadow has the miraculous ability of appearing invisible to anyone who is unfit for office or unquestionably stupid.

Super Secret Stuff

I'm busy doing something, but as it's part of a gift for someone(s), I can't blog about it. I will, however, document it for blogging later.
Muahahahahahaha!

Weird

I'd been having trouble with my mp3 player and my computer not communicating. I tried to fix it, but with no luck. So, as per usual, I put the problem aside for a while. I'm not a big fan of beating my head against a brick wall.

Then, I just tried it again (after it being on a virtual shelf for a few weeks) and lo and behold, no problem.

Weird.

This happens to me on a fairly regular basis.

I wonder what other problems this method can apply to? ;)

Food For Thought

From an advice column I read regularly:

Giving is a risk. Loving is a risk. Kindness is a risk. All demand that we drop our defenses; all allow the recipients of these gifts the opportunity to hurt us.

ETA: Coming back after a long walk, I can see how someone might misinterpret this post. Here's the part I left off...

All these things have risks, but it doesn't mean it's not worth it! You would never get anywhere if you didn't accept the risks.

And a favorite quote of mine (I don't know where it's from):

To be is to be vulnerable.

I kind of read this as the inverse. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you are allowing yourself to truly BE.

The Downside of Living in the Moment...

is that when you're in a negative moment, you are absolutely sure it's going to last forever. Granted, there's always that detached analytical part on the sidelines that is laughing at the notion, but that only makes it more annoying.

LATER: Feeling better. Will be going to bed early, so that'll help too.
"See," says intellectual side, "I told you it would get better!"
Emotional side sticks out tongue and gives a resounding raspberry.

Cooking Sweet

Made baklava for the office holiday party (we're economizing by having committee members bring in desserts). It takes a while, but people enjoy it quite a bit and it's fun to make. My favorite part is pouring the honey sauce over the hot baklava and seeing it come to a boil again from the heat of the dish.

I also managed to make something fun for a Christmas related project. I'll have to make a second batch, since there was a minor flaw with the first batch. For something I've never even attempted before, it turned out pretty well. When I have the second batch made, I'm sending it to a few people I think will appreciate it and I'm looking forward to reactions.

We'll see...

Thought of the Day

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

- The Man in Black, The Princess Bride

Crapshoot

Said by me during a conversation (about trust) with a friend:
"[Being friends with] Anyone is a crapshoot, just some more than others."

:)

FYI

Trading a lie for a truth is not friendship.

------------------

For the rest of you:
In a painfully funny twist of irony (that will go unexplained), I got dear Janiece's homemade apple butter in the mail today. She truly is one of the most generous tell-it-like-it-is friends I've ever had. You are the bomb, Janiece. And know that your gift arrived at just the right time. :) I'll try it tomorrow morning.
I can't wait to spend time with you and Michelle and Michael (and hopefully Terry) next week!

Odd Weekend

This weekend was full of odd... well, I'd call them "disappointments" except that I wasn't really disappointed, just left with an empty space where I expected something to be. And that's only bad if you decide that it is. And it wasn't.

Limitations

Ever have a friend you wish you could do more for, but because of personal boundaries or office/family politics or even just physics, you can't?

I'm feeling that right now. I wish I could make it all better, and I can't.

Phooey.

Meme, Part II

My answers today were inspired by MWT. They represent the manner in which I think MWT might have (though did not) answered the meme. And though the manner is MWTesque, the truth, such as it is, is all me.

1. Ever been in a relationship lasting over 5 years?
The longest has been 33, almost 34 years.
2. What was one of your dreams growing up?
To be myself.
3. What talent do you wish you had?
To have more wishes.
4. If I bought you a drink what would it be?
How much are you willing to spend?
5. Favorite, books?
Yes.
6. What was the last book you read?
Right now, my answer to that would be very boring.
7. Astrology: Menace to science education or entertainment?
Agnostic
8. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
Yes and no.
9. Worst habit?
Being too honest
10. Best attribute?
Being too honest
11. What are your favorite hobbies?
Acquiring new hobbies.
12. Do you have a negative or optimistic attitude?
Both
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Talk or listen. (Or neither, if you prefer.)
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Being born.
15. Best thing to ever happen to you?
Being born.
16. Tell me one weird fact about you.
I like being weird.
17. What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
If you could give me a date and time, I'd be able to let you know.
18. What was your first impression of me?
That you are funny and very individualistic.
19. What scares you?
Being loved and not being loved.
20. If you could change one thing about how you are, what would it be?
I wouldn't.
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Neither
22. What color eyes do you have?
You tell me... [opens eyes wide and stares into screen]
23. Ever been arrested? If so, what for?
I've been stopped many times.
24. Favorite dessert?
Chocolate cake for breakfast.
25. If you won $1000 today, what would you do with it?
Use it.
26. Tell me something you want me to know about you.
I'm not explaining any of these answers.
27. What’s your favorite place to hang out?
Sometimes here, sometimes elsewhere.
28. Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens?
Agnostic
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Not memes
30. Do you swear a lot?
Fuck no
31. Biggest pet peeve?
Cat/dog hair
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Contrary
33. Do you believe in/appreciate romance?
Depends
34. Most unusual place you’ve had sex?
Nowhere as unusual as I'd like to
35. Do you believe in an afterlife?
Agnostic

Wrap Your Head Around This

brenda013 wanted to post this, but had a bit of computer trouble, so she asked me to:

The poem I talked about is not exactly a poem. It is from Paul Brunton's second volume:

"Whether physically together or physically apart, that is a true relationship between master and disciple, husband and wife, friend and friend, which refusing to be tightly possessive or personally demanding, is satisfied by the silent fact that the other exists at all."

Hmm. I'll have to think on that one for a while.

On a more prosaic note, I had a wonderful time with my brother and his girlfriend today. It was my long postponed Christmas shopping trip. They got me some great stuff. It was really interesting getting their opinions on the clothes I tried on and I'm looking forward to wearing some of them to work tomorrow. :)

WTF?

Ever had one of those moments when you've wanted to exclaim "what do you want from me?"

Yeah, me too.

Ever actually done it and still gotten no answer?

It's like a marriage stereotype, except I'm the husband.
I'll go back to figuring out how my entertainment "system" is going to be wired. At least that I can figure out. (Seriously, I am fiddling with my TV etc.)
___________________

Later:

OK, feeling a bit better now. I got my TV, TiFaux, and DVD player hooked back up again (reorganized some furniture) and I don't feel quite so inept. I may be clueless when it comes to friendships, but by God, I can figure out electronic hookups!
As for the other *%$#^, I'll either figure it out or I won't. Life will continue to move forward and not (I point out to myself) in a linear fashion.
____________________

Still Later:

And now I'm feeling better enough to be optimistic. I may not figure out this particular conundrum, but I'll hopefully get better at communicating. Or, I might figure it out and get better at communicating. Either way, I can only improve. ;)

Positive Moment

I was studying this evening, but in that meditative state (between sleeping and wakefulness), I had a couple "Aha" moments. It may have had something to do with the TV show I had watched while eating dinner. A couple friends of mine affectionately call it, "Zen Cop."
The first moment I had, well, actually, let's start with the second:
I don't know about you, but I sometimes feel constrained by labels. Through much of my life, I've avoided labelling. It's a box that people want to put you in to keep things neat and tidy. However, I have experienced, to my great surprise, a situation when I was irritated by the lack of definition and therefore the lack of labelling/categorization. The lack of information made me feel a bit powerless. So, I realized, in thinking on Aha number 1, that in describing the situation, I could say that Aha number 2 was that there is a time and a place for everything, including labelling.
The real Aha, however, was in reflecting on the above described (sort of) situation, I had a sudden realization. I don't know if I suddenly saw what was there all along, or if something in me reached the point where the truth changed (in many mental situations, perception IS reality, from a certain point of view). The situation where I had been struggling in a fog of unlabelledness, which I had been perceiving as negative -- all of a sudden was completely positive. I was free because I had never been pinned down in the first place. That very lack of definition was singular, and therefore unique, special, and powerful. It was beyond mere "looking at the bright side."
It was a very strange moment, and it's still with me. I expect it to fade, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I hope to be able to remember how to do it again. How would one recreate the moment? I don't know. Perhaps by taking a situation or circumstance and playing what if --
What if this circumstance is not negative, but supremely positive? What if what is false is true and what is true is false? What if the world were turned upside down?

If Life Were A Movie

Sometimes I feel like a speedbump in other people's lives, one of those secondary characters who just makes a short appearance in the movie to fill in a gap, like that girl that the hero is unhappily dating before he meets the heroine (re: every romantic comedy ever made - except Addicted to Love, which is delightfully screwy).

Then again, to the cats, I'm like Batman's butler, Alfred. Trusty ol' Alfred, who feeds them twice a day, fills their water bowl and their dry food bowl, and (of course) cleans their potty. (Actually, as a tangent, I've been meaning to describe how utterly freakin' cute it is when the cats are lying next to me and they reach out one paw to apparently keep physical contact with me. It's adorable.)

And, during family gatherings, I'm the comedy relief. Like Jar Jar Binks. Ok, not Jar Jar. How about Mr. Collins? Mmmm... closer, but still not flattering. Ah, I know -- Barf the Mog or The Waco Kid.

I guess I'm a lot of different characters to different people. I don't really think of myself as the hero of my own story though. And if I were, it'd be something like Pee Wee's Big Adventure. I'm searching for something, I just don't know where it is. Plus, it's got the right mix of drive and absurdity. Even Pee Wee didn't get to be the hero of his own movie. I guess I should start practicing, "Mr. Herman. Mr. Herman. You have a telephone call at the front desk."

Who do I aspire to be? Well, Laura Croft wouldn't be too shabby.

How will it all turn out? I have no idea. Tune in next week, same bat-time, same bat-channel!

Good at Endings

Quick aside:

I just realized that I am pretty dang good at letting go, at ending things. No, I'm not suicidal.
This weekend, I was describing for Susan the end of a friendship that occurred last year. My friend got mad and stopped talking to me and although I really enjoyed her perspective, I found it sometimes forcefully presented. I still like her and wish her well, but we only talk if we see each other at someone else's party and even then, not for long. I would be extremely surprised if I were invited to her upcoming wedding, or any party she gave, for that matter. Some might say it's a sad end for a friendship that was, at times, quite close. I think these things run thier courses and then it's done.
Another friendship I had last year took a major downgrade when I was going through a bad month and she took it personally. We salvaged something, but she doesn't get too close anymore.
I was thinking on this again today because I feel another friendship sliding away. Nothing as dramatic as the last time, but I'm feeling a gradual fading of interest. It made me a little sad at first, since my latest goal in life is to find people who want to go on adventures with me. But, if someone doesn't find me valuable enough to spend time with, hey, who am I to argue? Realizing that I don't care that it's ending anymore is a little sad too, but I'm sure I'll get over that quickly. (Later: I realized on the drive home that I'm a bit of a liar there. Most of the time, I'm getting close to not caring. The rest of the time, I want to ask "why?" even though it's a dumb question - like asking if these jeans make me look fat.) And you never know, I might be wrong. Sometimes these things take temporary downturns.
So if you're my friend and you're not interested in being friends with me, you're probably not reading this blog. However, if you decide to in the future, rest assured, I'll take it well.