1.30.2005

Pocas noticias de deportes y de pelĂ­culas

Soccer: We won 9-2. No new bruises. We need to continue to dominate if we want another shot at the C league.

Movies: I'm watching (for no particular reason) the spanish version of The Usual Suspects, one of my favorite movies. The laughable part (besides "maldito idiota" being substituted for a much much more vulgar phrase) is that Fenster's accent in the Spanish dubbing is one of the clearest of the group. Ironic, if you know that Fenster is supposed to be unintelligible most of the time. I think I'm going to have to put in the original.

Edited to add: they just advertised Ninja Americano 4, for those who know the joke.

1.28.2005

Ships Passing In The Night

Last night I went out with a bunch of friends. We hung out at a bar, but I didn't get drunk because I don't have the dough to drink heavily (at least through the next couple weeks, anyway).
The occasion was that one of our group is moving back to North Dakota to be closer to his family. He just moved back from there last summer, when I got to know him a little during a couple camping trips. I was attracted to him and found him really interesting, but didn't find opportunity to say so, since I almost never saw him after I figured out that I liked him. When I finally had an opportunity, I said I was interested in getting to know him better, but by then he was dating someone else. Now he's moving to North Dakota (and I doubt the girlfriend will be joining him, since according to him she wants to move to LA and work on her acting career, but you never know).
Last night, I was reminded that I really do still find him attractive and interesting, was reminded of my bad timing (which is almost always the case), and wondered if there was anything I could have done differently or if I will ever get this stupid dating thing right.
Ah, but you're dwelling in the past/future, I hear you say. Live in the moment! True, I say. I did that, and the truth is -- I'm happy with now and the past is the past and the future is unknown and can't be predicted because the person I am today is not the person I was this summer. But I still have a little lingering sadness of what will never be. This too shall pass.

1.26.2005

Big Smile

I love life.
Sorry, I just had to say it. There's no reason in particular. I'm just feeling good and I'm thankful I have an interesting and independent life. I'm thankful I can look forward to going home at the end of the workday to my own house and cook myself dinner and watch a little TV and maybe a DVD and then go to bed and sleep well. I'm thankful I can then wake up and go to work at a place I enjoy working with people I like.
Life is good.

1.25.2005

Take a Load Off, Annie

The lesson for today, apparently, is "relax."
All morning I was fretting over how to respond to a situation at work. It was not a big deal, but sometimes my brain won't stop examining things from every angle. Best to just let it whirr at times like those. As I left for work everything clicked into place and I thought "oh, forget it, I'm just not going to worry about it." As you might expect, my being relaxed either alleviated the situation itself or allowed me to notice new aspects that made me see it in a new light. No more puzzling situation.
and
Today in tai chi class, our lesson of the day was to relax when doing a particular basic move. It was one I was sure I wasn't doing quite right and I was correct. I was over stretching, putting strain on my neck and shoulder muscles. The teacher focused on relaxing and keeping the correct form or structure.
So, there you go.
I like finding the patterns in life and this is my meditation for the day. ;)

1.23.2005

Ow.

Today's game we were playing kind of short on substitutes, but we won 6-1. Our substitute goalie, our old goalie, claimed to be super impressed with how much our defense has improved. He better be impressed. I took a major hit and will be sporting a giant bruise AND welts. (This is a step up from the plain ol' giant bruise.) I got in the way of a guy making a run in for a corner kick setup and his cleats (blunt plastic ones, not the sharp metal ones) intersected with my thigh.
I'd post a pic, but it seems a bit gruesome.

In other news, I had a lot of fun at my sister's birthday dinner, catching up with my brother, my cousin, and her husband. We played my sister's new game and left at a reasonable time with wonderful good wishes from our hosts.

Now I have to go to bed because my substitute didn't show up til almost 20 minutes into the game and so I'm suffering from the aftereffects of extreme exertion.

Ow.

1.19.2005

Soccer Bummer

It's confirmed -- our soccer team was dropped back to the D league. I think they exchange the bottom team of the C league (us) with the top team of the D league (us the season before last) in order to give teams a chance to move up if they're doing well. It's a big bummer, 'cause the games will be easier. Oh well. Maybe the season after next we'll have another shot at staying in the C league.

1.13.2005

Living on The Edge

Living in the moment is a little like living on the edge of a knife.
Not in a bad way, I mean.
It gives you a heightened appreciation of your senses. Every moment you have to readjust, not lean too much either way. Check your bearings. Have you slipped into pessimism? Been thinking too long on your hopes? No matter - just remind yourself that you don't actually know what's going to happen and what's happening now is really what you want to focus on.
There are so many things to appreciate about now. It may be a breath of fresh air or the smile of a stranger or friend. It may be as simple as good health or a comfortable home. It may be any number of things: physical, emotional, or mental.
I still hope for things, sending a little message to the universe of what I'd like to happen, but I try not to dwell in a future that may or may not happen.
I smile a lot more often.

(How long will it last? I don't know, but that's the beauty of living in the moment. It doesn't matter.)

1.09.2005

Losing things

Yipes, what a day.
I was vacuuming and it was a nice day out, so I thought I'd let the cats roam in the backyard. Well, vacuuming took longer than I expected and though I looked outside periodically to check on the cats, when I was finished I went outside to bring them in. They weren't there. Oh. Crap. I went out the front door and started looking up and down the street. Finally, about a block away I saw one of them. Martin. I went to him, trying to call his name, but he wouldn't come to me. Typical Martin. He is such a scaredy-cat when he's outside. When I reached him, he got by me and started running back to the house. Well, at least he knows where home is. He hid under the deck for a while and I sat there, trying to coax him out (and trying not to think about where Matti was). I called my sister for help, but soon after, Martin came close enough that I was able to grab him. As usual, he resisted, but I'm getting used to how tightly I have to hold on. So I took him inside. Then I went back outside to find Matti. Fortunately, he was nearby (attracted by the sounds of me trying to coax Martin?). He ended up going to hide under the deck too. I called my sister again and told her I had everything under control. Matti is much easier to catch than Martin. He actually comes to me when called. Not right away, of course, but eventually he did come and I grabbed him. He doesn't struggle like Martin does. I took him inside and breathed a big sigh of relief. Obviously, they're not going outside again anytime soon.
Are they upset about thier rough treatment? Not at all. Martin, previously the cautious one, is sacked out on my lap.
I also had a soccer game today and though we had a big lead in the first half, we lost it all and more in the second half. It was a really big disappointment. I know we can do better. It was just a really hard game and we were missing some people. And now I'm tired.

But I'm doing ok with the "living in the moment" plan, so it's got to be going well. :)

1.06.2005

Patience and Living in the Moment

Sometimes I hate having an imagination.
Sometimes it seems like I can imagine a lot better future than I anticipate actually happening.
The obvious antidote is to live in the moment -- to halt anticipation, both positive and negative. Zen-like.
This would, of course, translate into patience and allowing growth and change to happen at a natural pace, instead of being forced through an impatience with the process.
To appreciate the moment and truly live in it seems to require constant course correction. The mind drifts to a favorite worry or to a constantly perfected plan, then has to be detatched, like a kitten off the curtains.
It really comes down to an issue of trust and faith. Do I trust (have faith in the idea) that if I create myself to be a positive person, thinking positive thoughts and creating every moment to be a positive moment that the Universe will reciprocate with positive results? I don't know. I think I do, but thinking and believing are two different things.
I don't know.
I'm going to try focusing on the "live in the moment" philosophy, mainly because it evens out the emotional highs and lows and maybe it'll free me from the need to figure out the future. I'll let you know how it goes.

Edited to add: My officemate just called me "sunshine" as he was departing, which made me feel good. Maybe my positivity endeavor is actually working. :)

1.04.2005

Self Involved

My buddy, Nate, put up a post about self-deception (see his blog, The Slick Guy, listed on the right). It started me thinking about something that happened today.
I've been fighting off some illness and I was a bit tired today. Being tired leaves me a little vulnerable to my emotions. Anyway, a friend of mine at work, who is usually very friendly, was kind of distant today. I worried over if it was something I did and my vivid imagination came up with some dramatic scenarios. Then I found out (through another coworker) that this friend was very busy on a project in which some errors had been made.
Oh.
So it wasn't all about me, huh?
I need to be alert to the dangers of self-centeredness. Sure, everyone has some degree of this problem, since our only real point of reference is ourselves. But, I need to be aware of it, and extremely cautious about acting on a self-centered assumption. I've been doing that (being aware and cautious, I mean), but today I realized another facet of this. Being alert to how self-centeredness can affect one's mood.
Tricky. But do-able.

1.02.2005

*Almost* Out of Gas

Whew! When I thought of the two events today that I could write about, I saw a distict theme. What does it mean in the greater scheme of things, I have no idea, but this blog entry will have a theme.
I noticed on my way to a friend's birthday party that my "low on gas" light was on. I thought about stopping for gas, but taking into account that a) I usually have a gallon left when that light comes on and b) I generally get 25 or mor miles per gallon, I decided I'd have plenty to get me back to my home area and a gas station I like that has a good price on gas. On my way back, buzzing along on I-25, my car gave a big lurch. Oops, I thought. So, I took the next exit off. Unfortunately, that wasn't an exit to a busy commercial area, but to the big football stadium parking lots. No gas. The car gave another lurch. I kept going through the spagetti of access roads, trying rights and lefts, almost at random, because I knew there must be a way to get to a busy street. Sure enough, after another turn, I suddenly recognized a bit of street and I quickly got myself to Federal, a main thoroughfare. I made it to a Citgo station with only a couple more lurches. Double Whew! The stated capacity of my tank - 11 gallons. The amount of fuel I put in - 10.993 gallons. Thank goodness my car doesn't just stop. Now I know how it behaves when running out of gas. Don't worry, I'm not trying that again, I'm just saying it's nice to know.
Then, today at soccer (after having a week off), we were short on players. In fact, our second girl showed up a few minutes late. We had one goalie, two girls, and three guys. That meant everyone who showed up had to play the entire game. I got complimented on my defense -- I'm definitely improving. And we won! Yup, 5-2. It was pretty awesome, but I felt like puking afterwards. The last 8 minutes of the game, I kept looking at the clock thinking "Ok, X minutes left. I think I can make it. Please, let me make it." Fortunately, I think my defense instincts are enough in charge during the game that I didn't let my tiredness stop me from running when I needed to run, or from chasing a person when I needed to. I was running on fumes by the end though. I'm still feeling a bit nauseous, but all for a good cause.
And what am I doing sitting at the computer instead of in bed sleeping? Well, I figured if I didn't write it down right away, I wouldn't get around to it.
That being said, I think it's time for bed.