I have nightmares very rarely. This morning, I think my dream qualified.
I was at work, at a design review meeting that I was simultaneously not invited to, but everyone was there. The review was about our company website and not a building. I found that interesting, since web design is something I'm a little more conversant on than the initial design of a building. Plus, there were some cool programs they were using that I knew nothing about. For some reason, some of my friends showed up too, and I found it difficult to tear myself away from a gathering that I found so interesting. I really had to, since I had a ton of work to do at my desk, but I didn't manage it until the very end of the dream, when I yelled at some architect of the community for delaying me (it took him *forever* just to take a picture of me and a friend). To top it all off, I needed to pick up my mum at the airport and I had no idea when she was getting there.
When I awoke, I realized I was failing in three ways. I was failing my family, since I couldn't fulfill my commitment to help my mum. I was failing my job, since I wasn't getting the actual work done that was on my desk, despite being at work. This is a very real concern of mine, as I have been feeling less than effective at work. Oh, I've been getting stuff done, but I've not been getting enough (in my opinion) done.
And most interestingly, I was failing myself. My interests, technology and design, were not being fed. I felt extremely sad that I: a) wasn't conversant about the programs being used for the web design and b) wasn't being included in the process. I thought I was supposed to be at my desk producing work and not dilly-dallying with the design or the functioning of the office. I say "I thought" because there was no evidence that this is what the managers of the office thought.
I can still feel the weight of the dream pressing on me. "I really shouldn't be writing this in my blog, I should go to work early," I'm thinking. I'm temporizing. I woke up an hour early, so I'm using half of it to write this here and the other half to go to work early.