7.10.2008

Brothers are Awesome

I was feeling a bit discouraged about this Match.com thing and when I thought about who I'd like to talk about it to, I decided on my brother, Max. He and I have a similar attitude towards dating and what we want in a mate, so I knew he'd understand. Plus, he just got engaged, so he's really upbeat about stuff right now.
His pep talk was perfect. Of course, I already knew all the points, but I just needed someone else to tell me.

Thank you, Max! You made my day!

Clarification: I think I misled you folks by the above. I'm not discouraged because of not finding decent men on Match.com. I've met several very nice, intelligent, and thoughtful men. However, I'm finding that just because a guy meets all those criteria doesn't mean that I'm interested in him romantically. I have to turn down perfectly fine human beings for no reason at all except that I'm just not feeling an answering draw. It makes me feel like a total heel.

16 comments:

Tom said...

Anne, just remember that if you're looking for a prince, you might have to kiss a bunch of frogs.

I did a non-Internet dating service thing, and the first 6-7 didn't go past the first meet. Then one lasted a few dates. The current one has lasted more than 2 months. Am I learning, or is it just chance? I sure don't know.

But good luck!

belsum said...

Oh yay! I'm so glad he said all the right things to make you feel better!

Maybe instead of me needing to be there, you need to be here?

Rebekah said...

I'm glad Max could help. There are several losers on Match.com. I spoke to several for a couple of months before I finally exchanged info with a couple of people. I got stood up by one when we decided to meet, but it didn't bother me because I had already met my hubby. If you want to talk, send me an email.

Stacey said...

don't feel like a heel. if I was dating, i'd want someone to be honest with me so I could move on too. you are doing them a service by not stringing them along. i'm of the firm belief you either know or you don't and if there's no interest, set him free to find the one that he needs to be with. you are just finding men that don't work for you which is a valuable tool. i think it shakes the box and helps clarify what is important and sometimes things fall to the bottom of the list - ie JR doesn't dance waltz or jitterbug or east coast swing which were high on my list - but he has so many fine qualitities that those became much lower on the list.

The Grabill Family said...

And sister are just a side order of "o-kay" ;-)

But seriously, while I totally agree with Stacey's summation, I understand how you feel. The fact that it's the right thing to do doesn't make it any less disappointing to have to do it.

I like what Tom said - never is the prince/frog thing more true than on an online dating service.

Random Michelle K said...

To agree with what Stacey and The Grabill Family (is confused) said, I sometimes it's the things you never expected or can't put easily into words that are the most important.

Michael and I complement each other because I'm high strung and he's extremely laid back. He calms me down, and I make him do things he'd never bother to, like calling his mother and remembering birthdays (you think that last thing is unimportant? He never remembered the birthdays of ANY of his family members. That's not so good for familial relations.)

Guy that I have lots in common with? Got lots of friends like that, and to be honest, wouldn't want to date most of 'em. Just the way things are.

So don't feel bad. Better to he honest than to be nice for the sake of niceness, which can sometimes end up hurting worse.

The Grabill Family said...

Damnit! Will I never live down being "confused"!?!? (said in a very whiney voice)

You gotta admit, it added greatly to your enjoyment of the event and without me it would have been a boring, run-of-the-mill game of hijack - and what's a hijacking without a little confusion? Yes, I'll accept the applause and "thankyou's" now . . . :-)

MWT said...

*applauds* *throws accolades*

Yes, your part in the proceedings was crucial. :)

I don't have any dating advice to offer, so I'll just say good luck. You'll find the prince amongst the frogs. :)

Jeri said...

Can I also add - try not to be so prince-focused?

It's ok to enjoy the process and maybe make great new friends. It's ok to date guys who are a heck of a lot of fun and maybe even have great chemistry but who aren't "The Prince."

We are so programmed by our Harlequin Romance culture to focus all our energy on that one outcome - The Prince, the midnight proposal and the fairytale marriage - that we forget to enjoy the journey.

I realize you wouldn't have signed up for Match.com if you weren't serious about looking for possible princes, but shoot - here's to the journey. :)

Personally, I wish I'd had a whole lot more great non-serious flings in college and as a young adult before settling down - but I married (a total idiot) three months out of college instead.

Anne C. said...

I agree that it's all about the journey, Jeri. I've been doing that for a while now. Finding someone that's fun to be with (and I have some chemistry with) is something I'm happy to do. My current situation is the opposite. At my age, guys are wanting to settle down and there seems to be little time alotted for getting to know each other before committing. I just don't decide things that fast. I don't do love-at-first-sight. (Although it'd be interesting to see what it's like.) The "prince," most likely, will be the one who doesn't push princess-ness on me, but appreciates the journey too.

(That being said, I feel like the rag-tag traveller who has gotten used to riding through rain and jungles alone. Independent? Check. Pooped? Double check.)

Nathan said...

I too bow down at the awesomeness of Grabill Family confusion.

The last time I went on a first date was in 1993. I don't think you want any advice from me.

The Grabill Family said...

Thank you . . . thank you . . . . bowing and waving . . . thank you very much!

I'll be here all night . . . or at least as long as Anne keeps her blog going . . . :-)

vince said...

I don't do love-at-first-sight. (Although it'd be interesting to see what it's like.)

In my admittedly limited experience (both personal and that of friends), "love at first sight" usually is more like "lust at first sight." Not that that is necessarily a bad thing, as long as it is recognized as such.

It's never easy to hear "thanks, but no thanks", but honesty does work best. And let me add my humbleness before the awesomeness of Grabill Family confusion.

Random Michelle K said...

I just don't decide things that fast. I don't do love-at-first-sight. (Although it'd be interesting to see what it's like.)

I don't know about love, but when I met Michael I was actually involved with someone else, and my first thoughts were along the line that there was something about him that seemed perfect for me.

Luckily, Michael provided the impetus I needed to leave the guy I had been seeing, and although things were messy (lets just say the other guy wasn't very good for me), I don't regret it for a second.

Love at first sight? I didn't feel all swoony, but I knew somehow that Michael as the person I should be with.

Jim Wright said...

I was going to stay out of this - as I was once the king of bizarre disaster dates.

However, I find that I've got to chime here, two related things:

1) Anne's comment in the post: I have to turn down perfectly fine human beings for no reason at all except that I'm just not feeling an answering draw.

Exactly. You'll know it when you see it. I spent years dating people I knew were wrong, but I didn't want to be alone. In retrospect - alone would have been far better.

2. Love at first sight: I am, or was, the least romantic guy on the planet - this was a result of the fact that I had every bad date you can imagine. No seriously, you have no idea. I swore off women forever. I. Am. Not. Kidding.

Then - a friend talked me into a blind date (pestered, prodded, nagged endlessly, but we'll just say she talked me into it, OK?). I agreed, knowing that it would be a disaster. I went to pick the girl up - and when she opened the door and I first saw her, well, it was a lot like getting hit by some major voltage. She said it was the same for her. We've been married sixteen years.

Love at first sight, it's real - at least it was for me. I don't know how to describe it - other than to say you'll know it when you see it.

Quality, not quantity - never, ever lower your standards.

Anne C. said...

Thanks for piping up, Jim. It's always interesting to me to not only hear the beginning of the story, but to know the current state of things. I know from what you write elsewhere that you and your wife seem particularly suited to each other and that counts just as much as the initial WOW.
Interestingly enough, I think some of my *ahem* selectiveness comes from the fact that I have some close family and friends who have very strong marriages and I'm (usually) not willing to settle for less.
Thanks also for the admonishment to not settle. I know it, but it's essential to be reminded on a regular basis. :)